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katalan

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Kå†ålåñ Mððñ

Moonlight from its definition is simply brilliant in its recognition....

Created on 2005-12-28 00:25:06 (#9117811), last updated 2007-08-17

94 comments received, 304 comments posted

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94 Journal Entries, 2 Tags, 0 Memories, 20+ ScrapBook Files, 0 Virtual Gifts, 3 Userpics

Basic Info

Birthdate:	1985-02-26
Location:	Beaverton, Oregon, United States
Website:	Katalan's MySpace

Bio

I continue to feel that one day my life will change and I’ll wake up and be somewhere else, perhaps even someone else. But every day when I wake up, I become increasingly disappointed.

Life has always been some insane roller-coaster ride for me. And believe me when I say that I have thrown up more than once from being jostled about. Sometimes I wake up to find myself thinking that all I wish to do is fall back asleep and never awake again. But depressing thoughts such as these have become my normal state of being and I no longer know what happiness means.

I continue to ask myself the same question; what is my life worth to others and why does it seem so worthless to me? I have been wondering this for quite some time, especially after my being forced to sit through that ridiculous self-esteem class in the fourth grade. Why I am so hateful towards myself? Why do I insist, consciously or otherwise, on sabotaging myself every chance I get? And why can’t I just be happy, no matter what life throws at me?

I feel so detached from the world around me. I feel as though I am being held prisoner by my own inner thoughts and fears. I feel so alone most of the time, even when I am surrounded by people. I continue to wonder whether or not there is any hope for me.

I have known for quite sometime that I’m not crazy, just misunderstood and lost in my own mind. I know that I probably far too intelligent for my own good and that I may be causing a bit of this turmoil, myself. But I implore anyone who reads this to contact me if you wish to exchange some conversation. Maybe it will lead to friendship and maybe it will not. Either way, I wish to converse with someone who knows what it’s like to feel like an outsider to one’s self.

I put this out there, not because I want someone to pity me but because I hope for someone to answer this with complete understanding of how I feel. Perhaps a friendly person will read this and think, “I know how she feels because I have been there myself.” And maybe, just maybe, they will be willing to lend me a kind word or two and a piece of advice.

Sincerely,
Katalan Moon

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